


When Dweam is Too Secy

by plsacceptmyproposal



Series: The Chronicles of Quack [1]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Courtroom, Lawyers, Twitch Streamers - Freeform, alex please be my lawyer, bailiff tommyinnit, dream is a bad boy, dream's hands are something so personal, hey sapnap do you want to get married, judge ranboo, pog - Freeform, sir mr alex quackity sir, trial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29530227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plsacceptmyproposal/pseuds/plsacceptmyproposal
Summary: POV: Dream is getting sued for being too sexcy. Alex Quackity is the hotshot lawyer on the case, and rumor has it, he's never lost one. Can Dream's very special British lawyer pull through with a not guilty verdict? Or is Dream going behind bars? Forever. (But not really, maybe.) Who will get called to the witness stand to testify for or against the famous Dream Wastaken? Keep reading in this ultra-serious court case story to find out.
Series: The Chronicles of Quack [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2174442
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	When Dweam is Too Secy

**Author's Note:**

> this is super duper serious >:[ no joking allowed.

The courtroom was fussy as the spectators whispered in the back. Multiple news crew waited outside, busy flashing photos and reporting on every bit of new information they learned. The jurors anxiously compared rumors. It was the biggest case this town had seen since the Speedrun Cheating debacle of ‘20. Needless to say, Dream was always at the heart of some publicity issue. It seemed wherever you went, the name Dream was uttered. Anytime you turned on your TV, there was some coverage of an impossible manhunt save, or an impressive parkour jump. He had the whole town wrapped around his very nice fingers.  
Needless to say, Elle, Lily, Linda, and Olive had had enough. They had been silent for too long. It was time to come clean.  
Their lawyer was the best of the best, the top of the top, the brightest in his class. Alex Quackity was a damn good lawyer, and not even Dream could deny it. There was talk that he had never lost a case, and he sure as hell wasn’t starting now. He had been waiting for the opportunity to take down the Dream, and now was his chance.  
The chatter only got louder as Mr.Quackity entered the courtroom, pushing past the reporters who shoved microphones in his face. He remained calm as all eyes fell on him. This he was used to, he almost counted on. Keep the people talking, that was his motto. He waited for them to slip themselves up, and if it was taking too long, he would put a banana peel under their feet. As he sat in his chair on the prosecution side of the court, he adjusted his beanie. Elle, Lily, Linda, and Olive sat next to him, fidgeting nervously. But they wouldn’t back down now. They had come so far.  
“It’s gonna go great,” he said to reassure them.  
The courtroom doors swung open with a THUD, startling everyone into silence. Dream walked in, a smirk on his face and a dangerous twinkle in his eye that no one could see under his mask. He walked down the aisle, passing the rows of spectators, and slinking into his seat next to his defense lawyer.  
Everyone held their breath until the judge walked out and sat in his seat, glancing across his court.  
Bailiff Tommy commanded, “awll rise, bitchboys.” Once everyone sat down again, the judge cleared his throat.  
“ORDER, ORDER IN THE COURT.” Judge Ranboo shouted. “Sorry, just always wanted to say that. Now that we got that out of the way, shall we begin?” He asked, adjusting his unicorn chair into a more comfortable position. Both Alex and Dream’s lawyer nodded.  
“Wonderful, Mr. Quackity, your opening statement.” He motioned to the prosecution.  
Alex stood up, adjusting his tie, and placed his hands on the desk.  
“Good afternoon, my name is Mr.Quackity and I represent the prosecution in this trial. On February 17th, 2021 these four people were viciously attacked by Mr.Wastaken’s looks. Ladies, gentlemen, and those that don’t fit under those terms, we are gathered here now to convict the defense, Mr.Wastaken, for being too hot.” When he finished, he sat down again.  
“Thank you Mr.Quackity. Now your opening statements, Mr.Notfound.” Judge Ranboo motioned to the defense side of the court.  
“Thank you. Hello, I am Mr.Notfound, and I am representing the defense of Mr.Wastaken.” He motioned at his client. “The defendant here is being wrongly accused of being too hot, a very serious offense. By the end of this case, you will see that not guilty is the only possible verdict to be reached.”  
“Thank you, Mr.Notfound. Now, let’s get into the witness statements of the trial. Mr.Quackity, I understand you have someone you’re prepared to call on?” Judge Ranboo asked.  
“Yes, your honor.” He immediately stood up. “I’d like to call Sapnap to the stand,” Alex said, spinning around and pointing at Sapnap. Gasps fell around the large room. Dream folded his arms, curious about how this was going to happen.  
“Please state your name for the court,” Alex said, leaning against the witness stand.  
“Uh, Sapnap.” He said.  
“Into the microphone, so we can really hear you.”  
“SAPNAP,” he said.  
“Thank you,” Alex continued. “Now, is it true that you and the defendant have lived together before?”  
“Yes, that is correct.”  
“Thus, you have seen the defendant before?”  
“Yes...”  
“And when you saw him did you think he was ugly?”  
“No?.”  
“It’s a simple yes or no.”  
“Then no, he was not ugly.”  
“Would you say that he was attractive?”  
“Um, I guess?”  
“Would you go as far as to say he is very attractive?”  
“OBJECTION, he’s leading.” Dream’s lawyer said.  
“Withdrawn,” Alex waved a hand in the air.  
“Is that all the questions you have to ask Sapnap?” Judge Ranboo asked.  
“One final question, your honor. Sapnap, do you know how sexcy you look today?”  
“OBJECTION!” Karl screamed from the back of the courtroom. “HE’S MINE.”  
“Oy, bitchboy, get out!” Bailiff Tommy shouted at Karl.  
“It’s fine this is what I came here for anyways,” Karl mumbled as he left. When he opened the door, dozens of flashes and reporters hounded him.  
“Now, would the defense like to cross-examine Sapnap?” Judge Ranboo said, spinning his chair around.  
“I would be honored to, your honor.” Mr.Notfound stood at the witness stand as Alex sulked back to his chair. “Sapnap, what is your relation to the man who was just escorted out of the room?”  
“He is my finance, sort of, sir.”  
“And when is the wedding?”  
“I, I am-uh, no comment.”  
“You are under oath, remember.” Mr.Notfound reminded.  
“Objection, where is he going with this?” Alex asked. Dream let out a wheeze.  
“Oh, you think this is funny, huh, Mr.Cool-Guy?” He said, glaring at Dream.  
“Mr.Quackity, stop interrogating the defendant.” Judge Ranboo interrupted.  
“My apologies, please continue,” Mr.Quackity said, sitting down again.  
“It’s fine, your honor, no further questions for this witness.” The Mr.Notfound said. Sapnap stepped down from the witness stand.  
“Now, Mr.Notfound, who is your first witness?” Judge Ranboo asked.  
“I call to the stand, Mr.Wilbur Soot.” He said, shuffling the papers on his desk. Wilbur walked to the seat and brushed a hand through his fluffy hair.  
“State your full name, please.” Mr.Notfound asked.  
“Wilbur Soot.”  
“As in the music sensation: Wilbur Soot?”  
“Sure, if you’d like.”  
“Could you name one thing you find attractive about Dream?” Mr. Notfound questioned.  
“Well, I haven’t seen his face, so I don’t know if I could really answer that.”  
“Ah, he says he hasn’t seen Dream’s face,” Mr.Notfound walked over to where the jurors sat. “So how could he say if Dream is hot or not? You see, that is going to be a common issue, as only a select few individuals have seen his face and known.”  
“OBJECTION! Hotness is more than at the face, everyone knows this.”Alex said, most of the jurors nodded in agreement.  
“Yes, that is true,” Judge Ranboo agreed. “Sustained.”  
“No further questions then, your honor.” Mr.Notfound said, cooly.  
“Mr.Quackity, are you going to perform a cross-examination?” Judge Ranboo asked.  
“Yes, your honor.” He stood back up and adjusted his beanie once more. “Now Wilbur, as previously stated, you are a musician, is that correct?”  
“Yes, I have released multiple songs.”  
“You have a song called ‘Your New Boyfriend’?”  
“Indeed.”  
“And in that song, there are these following lyrics:

Yeah, I've met Jared (of course, I've met Jared)  
....  
I've seen his jawline, shoulders, and muscles  
Push against his fashion sense  
I've thought about what he looks like nude  
I'm not gay, though  
'Cause she's living the dream (living the dream, living the dream)  
Oh, she's living the dream  
From back when we were 17

Now it doesn’t take an analyzer to see some similarities to the defendant in these lyrics.  
I’d like to present this as Exhibit A in the record.” He said, holding up a piece of paper with the lyrics printed on it. “Notice how the name Jared and Dream share 4 of the 5 same letters. And in it, you claim you have seen his jawline, shoulders, and muscles, but you make no comment of ever seeing his face. And yet you are clearly threatened and jealous of this person. So, therefore, this ‘Jared’ is attractive then, am I right?”  
“Well, yes, I wrote Jared to show how her new boyfriend is better than me, and I suppose  
one of those things he is superior to is in the looks department,” Wilbur said with honesty.  
“Yes, and if we look at the next few lines ‘she’s living the dream’, one cannot deny the obvious connection between the defendant, Dream Wastaken, and those lyrics.”  
“Objection, there is not a question in that for the witness to answer.” Mr.Notfound pointed out.  
“Overruled.” Judge Ranboo said.  
“So to summarize, Mr.Soot, you are saying that you agree one could make a connection to Dream in those lyrics, and they may prove that he is attractive?” Mr.Quackity asked the witness.  
“Yes, I think so.”  
“And would you say that he is attractive to the point of extreme jealousy and near-suffering on your part?” He pressed further.  
“Well, I would say that Jared certainly does have that effect.”  
“Thank you, no further questions,” Alex said, returning to his seat to skim his case notes. He felt confident so far.  
“I think we should take a quick recess before returning for any closing statement and such,” Judge Ranboo suggested, banging the gavel.  
“AWLL rise, bitchboys.” Bailiff Tommy shouted.  
“We will resume in 15 minutes.” Judge Ranboo said.  
“Do you think we’re winning?” Olive asked Mr.Quackity during the break.  
“Yeah, like I think we’ve pretty much convinced everyone that he’s illegally hot,” Elle said.  
“I think so too unless Mr.Notfound over there throws a curveball, which he won’t,” Alex assured them. “Also, are they ok?” He asked, pointing to Lily, who appeared to be in a dazed state.  
“Oh, that just happens, don’t worry about it,” Linda smiled.  
“I- yeah- hey… uh, haha, did y-you know I got 95% submi-” Lily started.  
“Ahahahahahahahaah, let’s go get you some water!” Olive said loudly to interrupt Lily’s next words.  
“Good idea,” Elle said. The 3 of them all helped Lily stand up and speed-walked out of there. Alex glanced over and saw Dream and Mr.Notfound huddled closely and whispering. Dream’s stupid red hoodie and stupid smiley face mask and stupid long legs and his stupid, stupid hands, Alex thought.  
“George!” Dream wheezed loudly. Alex clenched his hands into a fist.  
“Listen, man, you’re going down ok? You’re gonna go to jail, for a long time, for being too sexcy. We can’t have you walking around the streets like this, not on my watch.” He said, folding his arms to show dominance. Dream stood up and walked up to Alex, appearing tall and looming compared to the shorter man.  
“I’d like to see you try. Have you seen my manhunt skills? Ha, you don’t know who you’re messing with.” Dream laughed once and returned to his seat. Alex couldn’t lie that that was intimidating, but it only added to his case of being guilty.  
At the end of the 15 minutes, Judge Ranboo returned, and Bailiff Tommy shouted again. “Come on now, GET UP!”  
“Unless there is any other information either the prosecution or the defense would like to submit, I think we should move to the closing arguments.”  
“I have no further arguments, your honor,” Alex said, flipping to his closing remark notes.  
“But I do. I call to the stand, George Notfound!” Mr.Notfound said.  
“Objection! He can’t do that!” Alex shouted.  
“I’ll allow it,” Judge Ranboo said, kicking his feet up on the desk.  
“Thank you, your honor. Now, George, is it true that you and the defendant have been friends for many years?” Mr.Notfound asked and then ran to the witness seat to answer his own question.  
“Yes, for quite a while.” He ran back to stand in front of the podium.  
“And have you ever seen his face?” More running.  
“No, but believe me, I have tried.”  
“Now, going back to what the prosecution previously stated, hotness can be determined by other factors. Therefore, not having a face reveal doesn’t necessarily affect his attractiveness. So, with that in mind, would you say that Dream is hot?”  
“Hmm,” he said slightly out of breath by this point, “no. No, in fact, I think he’s quite gross.”  
“Could you be more specific as to why?” Mr.Notfound asked himself.  
“OBJECTION, your honor, objection.”  
“What is the means for this objection, Mr.Quackity?” Judge Ranboo asked.  
“A new piece of evidence will combat this entire witness statement. Exhibit B, a tweet from Mr.Notfound’s second twitter account.”  
Everyone in the courtroom was astounded, including George and Dream.  
The tweet read: _why are you so cute #askdream  
_from the account: @/GeorgeNootFound  
“I-Well, I don’t.” George stuttered.  
“I rest my case,” Mr.Alex Quackity smirked.  
“Wow, that was a shocking turn of events. Um, jurors are you ready to decide the verdict?” Judge Ranboo said. They all sort of nodded, and he hit his gavel once. “Let us know when you have reached a verdict.” He said, and then pulled out his phone and began tweeting @/tubbo.  
Within moments all the jurors returned from their conferencing room.  
“We have reached a verdict,” the foreman, BadBoyHalo, said.  
“Yes, and?”  
“We find the defendant… a muffin!” He said, with such strength, you had to believe that’s what the official verdict was.  
“Is, is that the final results?” Judge Ranboo asked, sliding down his sunglasses to make sure he was seeing this correctly.  
“Yes, your honor,” BBH said, sitting. “Prosecute him as necessary.”  
“Hmm, well I’m a bit unsure what exactly that means, but I sentence you, Mr.Dream Wastaken to 6 months of community service for your crimes. Case dismissed!” Judge Ranboo frantically banged his gavel.  
“AWWWWWLLLL RISE,” Bailiff Tommy shouted once more. Judge Ranboo scooted around on his unicorn chair.  
“So, was that a victory?” Linda asked Mr.Quackity.  
“I’m counting it as one,” he replied.  
“WAIT,” Dream commanded the room. Everyone froze in their place. “Since I have now been prosecuted, you all might as well see what is truly the verdict.” He said, his right hand cupping the bottom of his mask. After a short pause that seemed to last forever, he pulled off his mask and hoodie in one swift motion.  
There wasn’t a single jaw that wasn’t on the floor.  
“See you all on twitch.tv/dreamwastaken!” He said, replacing his hoodie and face cover back on and confidently walking out of the courtroom, not letting the hoards of people bombard him.  
“So uh???” Alex said in shock. Mr.George Notfound just simply shrugged.  
“Sir Mr.Alex Quackity sir, how can we ever repay you for bringing us the justice we needed against Dream for being too sexcy??” Olive, Lily, Elle, and Linda all said at once.  
“Subscribe with twitch prime,” he said sincerely, placing his hand on Lily’s upper arm. They nearly fainted on the spot.  
Once he was done with his work in this courthouse, he grabbed his briefcase, adjusted his beanie, and walked towards the exit. As he got to the end, he froze in place, raised his fist in the air, and shouted,  
“POG.”__

____

__

Slut  
(the end in Swedish >:] )


End file.
